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What Do You Do About Those "Needy People Relationships"?

Needy people relationships can be a challenge to deal with. There are people we love in our lives who seem to need us more than everyone else. You can't always see the development of relationships with needy people ahead of time. Many times they develop slowly and your needy person becomes more and more needy. You slowly get sucked into this cycle of need. It can be draining and exhausting spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

How do you keep your compassion, which is important, and promote healthy self growth and esteem and transform your needy people relationships. There is a chance that need person was attracted to you because you have a pattern of helping others. Helping is of course a good thing and it does wonders for your own self esteem, but it can also prevent your friend from getting the real help they need. Sometimes individuals need to learn some lessons in life and when you step in too frequently this can prevent them from learning the lesson.

Think about if you had a car with a faulty steering wheel that kept pulling to one side. Eventually you will become accustomed to pulling against that tendency. This can become a dangerous situation and it's better to get the wheel fixed. In reality this could mean a big injection of self worth is needed in the needy person. You can become the catalyst for this transformation.

The transformation of needy people relationships begins by establishing some clear boundaries which make it clear you are not going to take fall on behalf of your friend.

What Needy People Relationships Look Like

Needy people relationships are characterized by imbalance. On one side of the relationship, there is too much need or demand for emotional or physical fulfillment. This person always needs to borrow money; always needs a shoulder to cry on; always needs help getting out of a bind; always needs to be touched, held or consoled. They need!

On the other side of the relationship, the other person is always giving. Giving money, giving, time, giving energy, giving advice, giving consolation. Is it you? Unfortunately, this relationship is not only the needy person's fault. They need too much yes, but you can end up feeding them by giving too much. It becomes a codependent relationship.

Needy People Relationships and Spirituality

You need to be aware of which role you play in this type of relationship because it can have a big impact on your spiritual relationship with God. A needy person will always need things from God. Although the Creator gives everything anyone will ever need, a needy person will never be able to be satisfied. This is because they are looking for fulfillment outside of themselves for something that needs to be fulfilled first within themselves.

Since the needy person is always needing more, they will end up disappointed in their Creator. They pray out of need, not out of developing a relationship. God will (most likely) never give them all they think that they need because it's not healthy for them. It will only encourage the cycle of need. We need to be able to take responsibility for ourselves and be able to stand on our own 2 feet.

On the other side of needy people relationships is the giver. The giver's spirituality can be negatively impacted by this type of relationship. First, the giver is often tired. Needy people seem to be able to draw out energy and leave you with less than you need. If you are the giver and you may notice that you don't have the energy to focus on enhancing your spiritual relationship. You have used the energy that should have been reserved for your spiritual relationship on your needy people relationships.

It is not wrong to give time and energy. Be careful of defining yourself as a giver however. If you are always giving, then you may think that you should also be giving to God. You may feel guilty about taking or asking for anything because you don't want to be seen as a needy person. But you need to have a balanced relationship. Give and receive.

See the charter for overcoming needy people relationships and restoring balance.

Codependency

In both sides of needy people relationships, we're a little codependent. Although we think we'd like the relationship to change, something in us depends on the other person being who they are so that we can be who we think we are. In codependent relationships, we need the other person do act in certain ways so that we can continue to define ourselves the way we want to.

If we are a needy person, we want to keep needing others because maybe we might lose them if we don't. If we don't hold tightly on and make sure that we need them, they might slip away. And if they slip away, who are we?

On the other hand, it can feel really great to be needed. Coming to the rescue of another gives us a sense of importance and a valuable place in the world. We're needed! If we weren't here, things would fall apart.

In both cases, we are depending on the other person to continue to be and act according to the relationship rules we've developed. In both cases we need the other person to help us define ourselves.

We can also develop these codependent relationships with the Creator. We may want to need him so that we know he can always help us. Or we may want to be constantly giving so that he knows we're important and worthwhile. Both ways are not balanced and not ideal. We need to change our attitudes so that we can give and receive.

See the overcoming codependency schedule for singles.

What To Do ...

In relationships with needy people, we need to be aware of our role - whether we are the needer or the giver. In both cases we are unbalanced and codependent. The needy person must begin to take some responsibility for themselves. This includes feelings, actions, issues, behavior and lives in general. The giver must not take all responsibility and solve all the problems that the needy person wants. The giver must say, "No" at times. This is really what is best for the needy person.

Also realize that our relationship with the Creator will not be a balanced relationship in the same way as non-spiritual relationships. We need to give and need but not in a codependent way.

Many imbalances usually happen because of independence issues where the masculine or feminine power try to assert themselves too much. You can learn more about these in the differences between men and women in relationships pages.

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The Spiritual Self Tools for overcoming needy people relationships

Spiritual Self Values. Spiritual Self Foundation. The Spiritual Self Problem

Spiritual Self Tools	Function in the Spiritual-Self journey
Levels	Represent transformations in human, societal, cultural and self development
Spiritual Gifts	Represent intelligences that can assist our ascent through the spiritual levels and the breath of our compassion for others.
Fruits of the Spirit	An efficient tool to track development through the stages and how effective the aspects of the One spirit have been integrated into the likeness of God.
Spiral Dynamic Colors	Human nature, the self, culture, society, consciousness and understanding of Spirit is not fixed but evolves through MEMES. We were all Spirits creation and created equal but you need to choose to know spirit to ascend through the developmental journey.
Page Titles	Identify core areas of development at each of the stages of this journey.
Heroes Journey	Sequences Spiritual Development in a symbolic quest that has remained stable throughout the ages. Inspires you to stay the course and go on to inspire others.
Process Drama	A powerful agent of change where you create and learn from acting from inside experiences.
Key Issues	Represent issues of everyday concern and empower the individual for victory in those areas of their lives.

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About the Spiritual Self journey

Interior - Arts (Upper)/ Morals (Lower)	Ages shift the axis from Individual (Upper) to Communal Interests and Focus (Lower)	Exterior - Science
The Upper-Left (UL) Self development. Interior life known through communication and duologue with a witness. Depth of understanding the self more truthfully is key. For example Danial's dream interpretations. For example transcendence of Maslow's triangle and giving oneself to the journey if living in the word completely. Having your personal story and Gods truthfulness of direction for that story, to become authentic, heart moving, inspirational and meaningful to you requires you make the truthfulness of your quest in life, and gods will for you more personally transparent. Emerging Church Movement Relational Personal God. Knowing Jesus intimately	(Upper) Individual and Personal Interests Warm Colors of Spiritual Self (example Rational Age- orange level ) SPIRITUAL SELF JOURNEY Level one 1 Level three 3 Level five 5 Level six 7 Level eight 9	The Upper-Right (UR) human organism and behaviors. These individual expressions are observable. Truth claims. Mapping observations is key. For example the text of the bible as the infallible word of God at the end of a rational age that wants to fragment knowledge into theories and deny the existence of absolute truth. To make the spiritual Journey a rational for the 21st century. Evangelical Church Historic and Prepositional God. Actual Events. The fact of Jesus on the cross. The 10 Commandments
The Lower-Left (LL) group expression of the interior lives, norms, customs, world views, culture Relationship in the (We) the collective subjective self and culture. Justness for the peoples good. eg. A Christian culture living out and transformed by the justness and truthfulness of a personal relationship to God and each other. Knowledge constructed communally creates a culture out of which anything seems possible, and a faith to move mountains emerges. Customs and traditions passed down in church life forge greater faith. The rational age of people standing on the shoulders of those who went before to establish a culture of aid to the needy. Theology and Dogma	(Lower) Communal And Collective Interests Cold Colors of Spiritual Self (example Postmodern Age - green level) SPIRITUAL SELF JOURNEY Level two 2 Level four 4 Level six 6 Level seven 8	The Lower-Right (LR) Societal structures, institutions, organizations, and environment and expression of behavior Faith is institutionalized in the actions of the church body. Relationship in the (it's) the collective objective self of the many are formally established. eg. The understanding of a holistic systems map for Christianities role in society emerges. The role and nature and the REAL purpose of the church find ways to make the holy symbols connect with us in real and meaningful way. Instead of telling us how they should connect with us. Observable acts like coming together for spiritual purposes. Baptisms, Corporate worship.